The Last Exorcism, ever, I hope!

My wife and I love going to the movies and we spend a lot of time watching various genres in cinema. We live in a very rural area and sometimes it is difficult for us to see some the movies that come out that are not as mainstream as other box office hits. The closest movie theater is 20 miles away and they sometimes don’t get everything that is released to the rest of America. If we want to have a wider range of movies to pick from then we have to make the trip over into Missouri. It’s a round trip of about 80 miles, so when we do go we want to make sure its worth the drive and gas it takes to make it there and back. That being said, we should have kept our ass’s home and saved what little money we had left. What we really should have done is stuck with our guns about not paying money to go see PG-13 films in the theater. Which reminds me… the first movie I ever walked out on was The Exorcism of Emily Rose. What a coincidence!

The Last Exorcism is a movie about a man of faith that turns out not be as faithful as he leads on to be. A camera crew follows Rev. Cotton Marcus on his final attempt to perform one last exorcism and to prove once and for all that exorcism's performed over the years have been false and unnecessary. The movie is pretty much shot just like recent films such as Cloverfield, Rec, Zombie Diaries and Diary of the Dead. The movie moves at a slow pace building up character back story and the kinship between the possessed girls family and the rouge reverend. Nothing exciting other than the fact that Cotton pretty much leads on that Christians are dumb, narrow minded and easily persuaded with bible babble. Once the story starts rolling and the so called freaky shit starts to happen the movie is just about over. There was not one scene in the movie that sticks with me that I found shocking or memorable. Back in my day demon possession involved foul language and some type of bodily fluid. Are these elements required to make a great possession film? Not necessarily, but that would have been more shocking than anything this PG-13 monstrosity had in store for us. This movie was so clean that aside from Cotton’s gut punch to Christians I would have thought Kirk Cameron had something to do with the production of this film. 

I am a little disappointed with Eli Roth’s involvement with this movie. I know he didn’t write or direct it, but come on, you would think he had some kind of input since he is fronting a few bucks. Cabin Fever was fun and Hostel was sexy. Why couldn’t he save this film? The Last Exorcism is far from being scary or terrifying by any means. We were surrounded by teenage girls in the theater and I don’t think I even heard a gasp out of any of them. That tells me this movie failed miserably to achieve what it set out to do, scare the hell out of you!

Black T-Shirts are the Best!

I was finally able to order a couple of t-shirts this month. I was in desperate need of some new shirts so I knew exactly where to turn to. I have been following Fright Rags and Zombie Liquorice on Twitter and Facebook for a while and I knew they sold exactly the type of t-shirt that I would proudly wear.

I’ll start off with the Fright Rags Phantasm t-shirt I received today. I ordered this shirt last Tuesday on August 17th and it showed up today on August 23rd. Not too bad of a time frame to receive something in the mail considering that I live in the middle of fucking nowhere! I got home and found my package ready for me to inspect. Man, what a great quality t-shirt. The printing on the shirt is spot fucking on and the fabric quality of the shirt is AA+. Very good quality compared to the shit I usually settle for. Wait, that’s not all! Packed inside my order is a little black plastic bag with a big sticker holding it closed that says, “Free Prize Inside” in a creepy bold font. Oh, what ever could this be? I was like a kid that just found a kick ass temporary tattoo in a Cracker Jack box. Hell yes! Inside the black plastic bag was a 3 x 4 sticker from the movie Shocker. One of my favorites when it comes to campy good fun with a slick ass soundtrack. Also inside the bag is a Fright Rags fright film facts card of Peter Vincent from the movie Fright Night. How cool is that?! Is that it? Nope, they also sent me a Warhead extreme sour jawbreaker.

Next up is the ever so gruesome, monstrous t-shirt I ordered from Zombie Liquorice last week. What an awesome shirt it turned out to be! Just like the Fright Rags t-shirt it was of high quality fabric and excellent printing. The design is called Gut Eater 2. I’m not sure who the artist is that did the design, but it is of great detail and supremacy. I can’t explain the color and detail of this shirt. It is simply amazing! Zombie Liquorice has a vast array of killer designs all done by phenomenal artists like Joshua Belanger, Brandon Heart and Felix LaFlamme. I highly recommend checking out the artists that I mentioned and get off your ass and order a shirt from either one of these companies. You will not be disappointed!

 

I can’t wait to wear these great works of art out in public. I live in backwoods country fuck, so I’m pretty sure I will be the only one sporting these magnificent shirts. That is until I spread the word and force everyone to purchase one of these fine quality shirts!

Piranha 3D

My wife and I headed out to our local theater last night to watch Piranha 3D. It is basically a reboot of the 1978 movie directed by Joe Dante. Both of us were in the mood for a goofy, bloody good time and that is exactly what we got from director Alexandre Aja. The movie stars Elizabeth Shue and a couple of guest appearances by Richard Dreyfuss and Christopher Lloyd. Both of which delivered a spot on performance. And that one dude from Step Brothers was in it too (Adam Scott). He almost ruined it for me because all I could think about was Will Ferrell saying “Hey Derek, you know what’s good for shoulder pain?”. Piranha 3D is a thrill ride of intense carnage and mayhem with a dab of nudity. Ok, a fuck ton of nudity! My wife and I giggled like a couple of school girls due to the massive amounts of nudity. I will say this was my first experience with 3 dimensional titties. Not a bad experience, I’m only male.

I went into the theater knowing that I wasn’t about to watch a mind blowing cinematic masterpiece by any means. Piranha was made specifically for what its worth. A mountainous collection of nudity and gore. It didn’t take long for the action and gore to ensue. Right off the bat we were pleasured by the first devouring frenzy of the film. From here the film took a little nap just long enough to basically set up the ever so thin plot. Once the story was laid out it was time for the prehistoric fish to fuck some shit up.

I don’t want to go into great detail about the film and give away all of the best gruesome kill scenes, but I assure you that you will not be let down if you are in the mood for some female nudity and gallons of watered down blood. This horror movie tops any and all horrors that I have seen when it comes to nudity. I can’t remember when the last time I witnessed such a collection of bare breasts and a few shaven vertical smiles. As for the gore, I read a few reviews that compared the gore to Dead Alive. I wouldn’t go that far, but there is a shitload of violent fun for the whole family. Well, maybe not the kids!

Art Attack!

I have always had a strong love for art for as far back as I can remember. It was usually any kind of art that dealt with the darker side of things. Whether it be horror, sci-fi or fantasy it all sparked my interest. I grew up exposed to such great artists as Pushead, Vincent Locke, Dan Seagrave, H.R. Giger, Simon Bisley, Todd McFarlane, Jim Lee, Frank Frazetta and Boris Vallejo. I’m sure I missed a few, but my memory grows weak with old age. Every time I went to the mall in the late 80’s early 90’s I always hit the book store to look at art books, comics and magazines with works of the previously mentioned artists. I had a strong interest in art and spent every waking moment drawing or doing something creative. I can’t remember at what point in my life that I lost interest and quit being creative. I think it was when I was in my early to mid 20’s. For some reason I felt too busy to care or to continue with my love of art. I guess I was wrapped up in the world of real life and thought I couldn’t intermix the two.

Ten years or so later and something has sparked my interest again. A few days ago an employee of mine asked if would design a logo for his local disc golf club. At first I wasn’t too crazy about the idea, but I decided to take on the task at hand. I spent an entire evening brainstorming and finally come up with a simple design and immediately went to work. Once I was finished I had that feeling again. That feeling of completion, self fulfillment and just that great overall feeling of being innovative again. I am hooked and I want to do more!

I’m back!!!

(The above image is a skull I drew way back in high school and I graduated in 94’, so that tells you how old it is)

Here is the disc golf logo that I did last weekend.